Life Cycle
Searching for some words to mark a special moment in someone's life? Here you will find articles about rituals, new and old, that can help us mark those moments in our lives when we celebrate, grieve, or transition.
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When You Make a Shiva Call…
When I must make a shiva call, I worry: "But what shall I say?" I tell
myself:
Trust. The right words—which may be no words at all, just a rich, holding
silence-- will come from your heart.
Meditation:
Dear God, help me to ease the pain of those who mourn by letting them know
that my heart is breaking along with theirs. May my presence somehow lessen
their loneliness.
Ritual:
(When you visit)
You do not need to call in advance, ring the bell or greet the mourners. Just come in, and let the mourner notice you. Let the mourners initiate the conversation; let them choose what you will and will not talk about. Let them choose silence. You are not expected to stay too long. When you leave, you may wish to speak the ancient wise words: "May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem," or more simply, "May you be comforted."
(When you make a shiva call from a distance)
In an ideal world, a shiva call should be made in person. But if that is impossible, is also possible to express your presence and share your grief and concern by phone, by letter, by e-mail. The ikar, the essential thing, is the connection, the reaching out. This story is told: On November 21, 1997, the N.Y. Times reported that Dr. Leonard Wexler, a pediatric oncologist, comforted the parents of 19-year old Jonathan Eisman who had died of cancer, saying: "I hope that there can be some solace for you, as there was for me, in knowing that you raised a wonderful, caring, funny, charming son, who touched the lives of everyone he met and made them better for having known him." The doctor did not say these words in his office or on the telephone, Esther B. Fein reported. Rather, "Dr. Wexler’s gentle words sped form his computer terminal in upper Manhattan to that of the Eismans in Wayne, N.J., and in that flash of cyberconnection, a human heart was eased."
Blessing:
Ha-makom y’nachem etchem b’toch sh’ar avelei tziyon
v’yerushalayim.
May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Teaching:
“Moses said to the Lord: Please, O Lord, I have never been a man of
words…and the Lord said…"who gives speech?…Is it not I…Now go,
and I
will be with you as you speak and will instruct you what to say."
(Exodus 4:10-12)
A man died in the neighborhood of Rabbi Judah. Since the family had no
friends close by, the Rabbi went to them for seven days with ten of his students
and friends. In doing this, he comforted the mourners."
(BT Shabbat 152)
You lift me up from the gates of death.
(Psalm 9:14)
(CLAL Faculty)
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