Spirit and Story Archive

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Gift-Giving and Hanukkah

By David Nelson

As Hanukkah approaches, Jews in general and Jewish parents in particular can be heard lamenting the overwhelming importance of Hanukkah presents in today's world. At first blush, these anguished cries sound altogether righteous, but the more I hear them, the more un-convinced I am.

What is the reason for the objection to an increased focus on gift giving? "It makes the whole thing about materialism!" says the disgruntled one. But chances are that the disgruntled one's own life is largely framed in materialistic terms--how much she makes, how often he leases a new car, how big an addition to put on to the house. This makes the protest against materialistic holidays sound a bit disingenuous.

"It distracts us from the spiritual meaning of the holiday!" the complaint continues. Again, while such a claim might ring true if it came from a deeply spiritual religious society, American Jewry is not generally an intensely soulful community. Why the complaint about a lack of spirituality should be raised in this particular context is unclear.

Finally, the desperate parent wails, "It's all just a Madison Avenue plot to get us to buy more stuff!" This may be true, but it is no truer with regard to Hanukkah than it is with regard to our cars, our athletic shoes, our colognes, our VCRs, our vacations, our computers, or the rest of the "stuff" that fills our lives. So why complain about the Assault of the Advertisers in one arena but not in the rest?

I have a theory: Some quipster once defined Puritanism as the overwhelming fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun. I suspect that deep down inside many Jews are uncomfortable with the idea that a Jewish holiday, a religious celebration, might be really, really fun! Let's face it. Kids (and the kid-part of adults as well) love to get presents. I believe that to be a universal feature of human personality. Getting gifts is great fun! So if we want to make a particular occasion lots of fun, if we wish to increase the anticipation people feel about it and make them sad to see it end, gift-giving is a tried and true strategy. (In fact, ever since my kids were infants, my wife and I made Pesach presents--disguised as Afikomen-finding rewards--a big deal, just to increase the joy of the holiday.) But I think most of us feel that a religious holiday shouldn't inspire that kind of unabashed kid-joy. It should be somber, solemn, maybe even a bit scary. How can you trust a religious occasion that's so much fun?

I am not suggesting that Hanukkah begin and end with presents. Far from it! Chocolate Hanukkah "gelt" adds a lot, as do latkes, sufganiyot (jelly doughnuts--a Sephardic answer to latkes), high stakes dreydl games (choose your favorite currency--M&Ms, peanuts, jelly beans…) and family parties. All of this fun and enjoyment, anointed liberally with junk food, creates a context in which we can light the candles, tell the stories and sing the songs that have traditionally defined Hanukkah. But the context is important. It is what will make the memories sweet enough for our kids to want to pass on to their own kids, someday.

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