Spirit and Story Archive

Welcome to Spirit and Story, where you will find the latest thoughts and reflections by CLAL faculty and associates on the contours of our contemporary spiritual journeys. Every other week you will find something new and (hopefully) engaging here!

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The Path of the Spirit: Self-Expressive or Self-Denying?

By Michael Gottsegen

Walking the spiritual path, what do I seek? More than anything else I want to realize my own unique destiny. I do not want to be a cog, a replaceable part, a mere functionary in life -- living a life that could be the life of any other. I want to find a path in life that reflects my uniqueness. Is this selfish of me?

I want to give myself over to something larger than myself. I want to be connected in a profound and real way to the age in which I live, to its crises and challenges, to the unfolding of its possibilities. I want to become a vessel of the universal. Is it possible to be selfless?

Here's the dilemma: That which is most universal and world-historical - participation in idealistic causes, active engagement on behalf of the common good, or moral service to my neighbor - seems to have little to do with realizing what is particularly unique to me. And yet, that life-project which would be most true to my genius or uniqueness might preclude service to the universal.

I spent years stuck in this dilemma, a dilemma that only dissolved when I came upon an insight conveyed to me through the works of Emmanuel Levinas, the French Jewish philosopher. Levinas develops the idea that our uniqueness, our individual genius, is not something innate in us that needs to find expression. Rather it is the uniqueness of an assignation, of a here and now which are my here and my now in which I am confronted by the destitution of the neighbor who stands before me in this very instant. According to Levinas, our vocation, our calling, our summons to the most meaningful life, is right here and right now. How we respond - or fail to respond - to this summons (or command) that emanates from the face of the neighbor determines the meaning of the unique persons that we are. I can walk on by, evade the moment, leave the moral task to another, but if I do so, I will have missed that moment and that task uniquely assigned to me - I will have missed my moment.

Of course, meeting the need of the neighbor is the right thing, the ethical thing, the universal thing. But can this really be what my uniqueness is all about - a unique post, a unique situation, the unique constellation of outstretched hands and despairing eyes that have me in their sights? What of my unique interior depths, my riches of wit and personality, my talents, my genius - have I no right to their realization? According to Levinas, I have no such right. With respect to the other person, I have only duties. Martin Buber and Franz Rosenzweig are close to his position in this respect. For these towering figures of modern Jewish thought, this kind of self-realization - of ego-gratification, as it were -- is of no concern. Indeed, they incessantly remind us of the potential conflict between the two, between the ethical responsibility that befalls us, as if by chance, and the ego's plans and projects that tempt us to look the other way. On this view, the right of personality - the right to unfold one's personality in all its richness -- should be granted no practical weight. The unfolding of the personality is not necessarily a bad thing, but if it is treated as the most important thing it will surely become an evil thing.

Do I agree with Levinas on this point? Do you? Can the spiritual life be equated with ethics? Do I not also have a right to "my place in the sun"? Are the multiple dimensions of my self to be treated as if they are of no account?

By and large, I do think Levinas is right. But I would note that in my view the riches of the self do not need to be sacrificed on the altar of service to the neighbor. Rather I see these riches as that with which the neighbor is to be served. What can I offer the neighbor, after all, but this inner wealth - of talents, sensibilities and innate abilities - and my outer wealth, of course, as well? Without these resources I would have nothing to offer, nothing to give. Giving myself away, however, is at the same time to express myself, to realize myself, to get back more than I give by giving away all that I have.

In giving myself over to the needs of the ethical situation, my unique interior depths are expressed, expressed in the style and character of my response. In this way, in my endeavor to meet the responsibilities that are mine and mine alone, I am expressed - and actualized - in the ethical sense that matters most, and in the psychological sense that still remains significant to me. But I also understand that the latter dimension of realization must never become my goal or foremost concern. If it does, evil will follow for I will be distracted from the real challenge of the ethical moment that defines more essentially who I uniquely am.

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